Raising a child with ADHD can feel like driving a race car. On the one hand, you see the potential, speed, and energy, but on the other, it’s crucial not to lose control of the curves or veer off course. One of the best ways to learn how to steer this “car” is through cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). Today, we’ll discuss how this method, particularly the Cognitive Square technique, can become your reliable “steering wheel” in everyday life.
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What Is Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy and How Does It Work?
CBT is a powerful tool that helps people change their thoughts and behaviors to handle life’s challenges better. Imagine holding a remote control for your thoughts. On this remote, there are buttons labeled “Thoughts,” “Feelings,” “Behavior,” and “Outcome.” If you learn to press these buttons correctly, you can manage how you react to various situations. Cognitive Square is like a mini-game on this remote, where you connect the dots to create a clear picture of what’s happening.
How Does Cognitive Square Work?
Imagine a square divided into four parts. In one part are your thoughts, in another, your feelings, in the third, your behavior, and in the fourth, the outcome. Each time something significant or challenging happens, you fill in this square. It’s like drawing a map of your inner world.
The Elements of Cognitive Square:
- Thoughts: What comes to mind when you face a situation?
- Feelings: The emotions triggered by those thoughts.
- Behavior: What you do as a result of those thoughts and feelings.
- Outcome: What eventually happens?
Example: Managing Aggression
Let’s consider a situation where a child frequently loses their temper when things don’t go right on the first try. For instance, recently, they tried to build a model, but one piece wouldn’t fit. The child got frustrated, threw everything on the floor, and yelled, “I hate this model! It will never work!” These outbursts of anger may repeat, and this is where Cognitive Square can be a valuable tool for parents.
Step 1: Discuss the Situation.
The first thing to do is discuss the situation with your child. Anger is a natural response to frustration, and instead of punishing or ignoring the problem, it’s essential to sit down and calmly ask, “What made you so angry?” Give your child the chance to express their feelings and explain what caused the outburst.
Step 2: Fill in the Cognitive Square.
Next, you and your child fill in the Cognitive Square:
- Thoughts: “I can’t build this model, so I must be a failure.”
- Feelings: Anger, frustration.
- Behavior: Throwing the model on the floor and yelling.
- Outcome: A ruined mood, a broken model, and family conflicts.
This process helps your child realize how their thoughts influence their feelings, which in turn affects their behavior and the result.
Step 3: Replace Negative Thoughts with Positive Ones.
The next step is to replace negative thoughts with more positive and constructive ones. You can explain to your child that everyone experiences setbacks, and it doesn’t make them a failure. Instead, you can suggest thinking, “It’s okay if I can’t do something immediately. I can try again or ask for help.” It’s essential to show your child that anger doesn’t solve the problem; it only worsens things.
Step 4: Practice the New Approach.
After your child understands how negative thoughts affect their behavior, practicing the new approach is crucial. The next time they face a challenge, remind them of the Cognitive Square. Instead of throwing the model, your child can try a different way to build it or ask for your help. Praising them for staying calm and persistent will reinforce this positive experience.
Outcome:
Over time, your child will lose their temper less often because they learn to handle challenging situations differently. Instead of anger, they choose another path—calmness and persistence. This improves their model-building skills and strengthens your relationship as your child sees you as a source of support and understands that you’re always there to help.
How Parents Can Support the Use of Cognitive Square
The key to successfully using Cognitive Square is your support and involvement. It’s essential to fill in the squares and discuss with your child how to change their thoughts and behavior to achieve better outcomes. Here are some tips to do this effectively:
- Be a Role Model: Show by example how you use Cognitive Square in your own life.
- Encourage Success: Praise your child for every step in the right direction.
- Create a Routine: Make filling in the Cognitive Square part of your daily conversations.
Cognitive Square is a powerful tool that can help your child learn to manage their emotions and behavior. Use it at home to create an environment of understanding and support, and you’ll see your child gradually become more confident and balanced. As they say, “Small steps lead to big goals,” and this method is an excellent way to start that journey.